Anger Management

Before we talk about anger management, I think it's important to understand a bit more about anger — why it happens, how it happens, and why it can get out of control.

Why get angry?

Why do people and other animals have such a thing as anger? What good does it do?

When an animal is threatened, it has three choices.

1. Run away.
2. Freeze.
3. Fight.

Now, notice that being threatened has fear as its root. So, whatever choice the animal makes, the reason is a threat — that is, fear. Bearing this in mind, let's look at that list again.

1. Run away: This is when you feel the fear, adrenalin starts pumping, and you run away!
2. Freeze: Here, too, you feel the fear, but you (or your instinct) chooses to freeze instead. For example, there is a wild animal and it hasn't seen you — you freeze so that the animal doesn't sense you.
3. Fight: Usually if you're trying to protect something, such as your child. Instead of running away or freezing, your body hides your fear from you and creates anger. Anger hides your pain, so you can fight better.

So, you see, anger is an important survival tactic that animals have developed to cope with threats that won't go away. Humans needed it in primitive times, and still need it in cases of mugging, fighting in a war, and other physical threats.

Anger is based on fear

That's important to remember. Anger is based on fear. When you feel angry, it's because of a fear — a fear that is hidden. Most people, when they're angry, cannot see their own fear, simply because anger hides the fear (on purpose).

But…

What about our modern world in a safe environment? What's the point of anger then?

The answer is: There is no point!

Our primitive bodies

We may live in modern times, but our bodies are still primitive bodies. They are always on the lookout for danger! Because our instinct is so primed to watch out for danger, it often sees the danger even where there isn't any — and responds inappropriately.

Next time you get angry, ask yourself, "Am I actually in danger? Is there anything at all to fear here? Am I, or someone innocent, about to be physically hurt?"

If the answer is, "No, I don't have to fight," then your body has generated inappropriate anger. You are getting angry to hide some kind of fear (e.g. fear of looking weak or stupid? fear that someone else will "get away with it"? fear that your partner will leave you?) when a totally different emotion would serve you, and everyone else, better.

Anger Management

I don't believe in "anger management." To me, that means getting angry and learning to somehow control anger. I don't see that as a solution.

A far better idea would be to teach your body and instinct to be more modern, and to stop reacting automatically and inappropriately.

That way, you don't get angry in the first place!

Imagine…

Imagine that when something happens (where you do not have to fight), instead of getting angry, you remain calm and completely in control. Instead of your blood rushing away from your brain and into your muscles, so you act like some caveman, instead your blood flows to your brain. You can think clearly. You can plan what you're going to do.

Making decisions

I'll bet that when you get angry, you make poor decisions. Maybe you shout, say things you later regret, and most important, you don't get the results that you wanted.

Did you want respect and got fear instead? Did you want co-operation and got a fight instead? Did you want someone to apologise and got insults instead?

That's the consequence of anger!

When you learn to replace anger with calm, clear-headed thinking, you become less like an animal and more like a human. And…

You can make good decisions!

If you cannot come to see Paddy for your problem, you may want to consider an MP3 download for anger management.

Call 01865 429135 or email with your questions.

This website for hypnosis in Oxford is available for people to learn more about hypnosis and hypnotherapy for various issues and solutions. For hypnosis for anger management you can browse these pages. Hypnosis can also be used for taking control of other problems or issues, especially when used together with other therapies, such as hypnotherapy, self-hypnosis, NLP and EFT.